Targeted for your strengths,
for you are high in the traits that others may lack.
Your kindness, empathy, compassion, and your willingness to forgive,
all your strong and positive traits …now weaponized and used against you.
But they used to be so kind and loving,…they must have changed …Nope !
you were the light that they need extinguished.
All you ever knew was the façade, a mask covering a fragile and egoic false self.
all the while perfectly mirroring and reflecting you, back to yourself.
Living life on a roller-coaster of emotions, dazed and confused from years of
gaslighting, lies, projections and deceit. Now you’ve reached the point where
you don’t even know who you are any more.
Very few people ever take the time to truly know themselves….. perhaps due to an inherent fear of
the unknown . Letting go of fear is an important first step on your journey of self rediscovery.
Worth doing are some personality tests, which offer a window into your mind to explore your
innermost cognitive workings and from it’s atrium, view some of your trait behaviours … The
ones which makes you...You. The following tests are available online for free, without having to
exchange any personal details.
Empath test
EQ test
Big five personality test
MBTI Myers/Briggs personality test
Enneagram personality test
Hexaco personality test
Its only when you reach a level of true understanding, that you can truly forgive.
Education is a vital key component in the healing process.
Various blogs, websites and YouTube channels abound … websites such as
psychology today and the minds journal will provide you with some excellent insights.
Also well worth researching are some individuals who are well versed in the topic.
Dr . Ramani
Christine Louis de canonville
Kris Godinez
Melanie Tonia Evans
Richard Grannon
Ross Roseberg
If curious, should anyone wish to further their knowledge, with a view to understand things from
the aggressors perspective. Surprisingly, this can also be beneficial in
healing from toxic abuse.
Sam vaknin
HG Tudor
Due to the duplicitous nature of people, recognize that the same evil that they exhibit
is also inherent within you.
The old adage of hurt people …Hurt people, is undeniably true and despite all their
bravo they thrive on your fears and insecurities . Regardless of gender, anyone who descends into
a pathology is a weak and insecure opponent at a core level.
While its possible to fight evil with more evil, its also inevitable
that you’ll turn into the same monster which you seek to defeat.
Your strength is in knowing your capacity for evil, revenge and retribution
but choosing not to descend to their level.
Ancient stoicism may help with getting your emotions back under control, without switching them
off entirely, and in learning the art of not reacting ….it also helps stop you wallowing in self pity
and self doubt and empowers you with courage and wisdom.
Viewing life as a test and everyone as being a teacher who has come to teach you something … can
further your understanding and also help to avoid having an epic battle with a
pig in the gutter.
Learning to trust your intuition again, that inner guide which alerts you when something is off,
tells you when to stand your ground and engage or warns you when you are in danger and need
to run !. Also to re-learn how to instinctively trust your gut feelings your inbuilt natural predator
alert system. Time spent alone in nature is never wasted and can help reduce your stress and anxiety
levels.
Abuse can take many guises, physical, sexual, mental, financial and emotional.
Its hard to deny the possibility or perhaps probability of a metaphysical and spiritual
element to this abuse…the trials and tribulations of Job springs to mind.
Seek solace where you can, if you find that religion helps …go for it .
If its reading books about spirituality, mythology or philosophy …great.
Wherever you gravitate and whatever suddenly grabs your attention ….go and explore.
The internet is a mine of information…Not to be confused with knowledge or wisdom.
If researching via the internet alone be careful of descending into rabbit holes,
on your quest for answers.
Keeping an open mind is fine but be prudent of two current trends gaining traction in more
esoteric teachings.
One camp suggests that you clear your mind of negative thoughts you’ll reach some transcendent
state of euphoria…the problem with this, is that your negative thoughts and emotions, show you
where you need to heal. By suppressing your emotions any positive benefits are short lived as it
fails to treat the root cause.
And now without a fully functioning limbic system you run the risk of becoming an abuser
yourself in future relationships or Due to the fact that its your emotions that encode your
memories, you’ll end up, like some apocalyptic zombie never truly happy or even sad…
and never remembering anyway.
And sometimes there is gold to be found in those negative thoughts, imagination and creativity
flows when fully opened to all possibilities, engaged in both positive and negative thoughts.
The other is slightly more sinister …the internet is becoming a hive for self-proclaimed gurus and
mountaintop mystics some offering guidance for toxic abuse victims.
Some exclaiming that it was all caused by your negative thought process.
Because it was your thoughts that created your reality,…
It was you that manifested this abuse into existence…,
now the abuser is not culpable for the abuse
and what’s more, all the ills of the world are your fault too… You are all to blame.
In a world lacking in empirical truths
I do recognize that, there’s nothing that’s true on one level that isn’t false on another level
That said,,however this advice isn’t helpful to any victim and only furthers their confusion.
You would have to question the integrity and motives of people who peddle this nonsense.
Perhaps, paradoxically to some degree this was a gift, and without
this malevolent encounter, your life would have stagnated.
You wouldn’t have embarked on a voyage of growth and inner exploration, or to had the
courage and strength to re-emerge from the shadows and to stand in your own light…
to become the person, who you were always meant to become.
Learning about boundaries, red flags and trait behaviours, will help turn you into
formidable prey for toxic abusers, for fear of exposure due to your newly acquired knowledge,
they’ll tend to avoid making you a target and move on to easer hunting grounds.
Learn to distinguish, your emotions from the projected emotions belonging to others
…what belongs to you and which ones are just the result of emotional sponging and
learn how to release them.
Fully in tune with your empathic gifts, knowing when to use your empathy and learning to
switch it off when needed. Educated with new tools and the wisdom of how to use them correctly,
your power is eminence.
To intuitively know when someone is hurting and needs counselling and both instinctively and
intuitively know what to say without ever being told or fully knowing, what’s wrong.
The ability to gently tease apart someone in order to help them heal, forgive or understand.
The ability to tear some others apart if necessary …piece by piece and still have the kindness to
hand them back all the shattered pieces of their psyche, along with helpful advice, including
an instruction booklet, should they wish to rebuild themselves at a later date…
( I see what your doing and these are your issues,…you deal with them )
… or …
Not advocating this, but in absolute extreme circumstances and only if they are far beyond help
and its justified by both, you and others….the ability to destroy them and keep the pieces yourself.
Remember that the only power and control that anyone has over you,
is the power and control that you give them.
Stand firm in the truth and don’t be afraid to expose your truth..,with your safety in mind of
course. Document, photograph and journal everything, ensure to back these up multiple times and
securely store them away under lock and key . Do not reply to any phone calls emails or texts as it
with only provide the abuser with fuel,….positive or negative they don’t mind.
And lastly …if you feel like your life is in danger, don’t fear getting the police, law
or any of the abuse organizations involved.
I hope this was of some help
stay incredibly strong, weird and quirky
and never lose touch with your authentic true self
mike